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Having It All

Jun 3, 2010 » by Michael Barata

This blog post is from a former practicing attorney who discovered the freedom of ROWE…

Like many of my peers, I spent my college years believing that I truly “could have it all.” This feminist mantra propelled me through college, jettisoned me to law school, and compelled me to private law practice. “Yes,” I sighed as I leaned back and enjoyed the views from my office on the 28th floor of a downtown office building…”I have it all.”

And then…

And then I had my first child. And in a way I couldn’t have anticipated, couldn’t have understood, or couldn’t have imagined, what I thought was “all,” was really for me, “nothing.” I wanted to hang up the suits and close the office door and never look back. I only wanted to object to smelly diapers and hold trial over the virtues of homemade versus jarred baby food.

But…

But we loved the money from my job. And in some sense, I couldn’t yet define myself in ways other than my advanced degree. And so after a few short months, I returned to work. I soothed myself with Post-it note platitudes in my purse: “You can have it all!” “It will be ok!” “You can do this!”

But…

But I couldn’t, really. I cried for the 28 miles from my home door to my office door. I put on fresh mascara and lipstick, blamed the red eyes on allergies and moved forth. Every day for far too long.

And then…

And then I thought maybe the agonizing choice between having a life and being a private practice lawyer was caused just by being that…a lawyer. I went to public sector work with little change. I “telecommuted” several afternoons a week and what I gained in private happiness was eclipsed by weekly reports of how many emails I had answered and what date I had in mind to “end my alternative scheduling needs.”

So…

So I thought I would change my career to ANYTHING that offered a non-traditional work schedule. Realtor. Boutique Owner. Vinter. Teacher. Retail. Direct sales. A PhD program in English Literature. In short, I was willing to walk away from an established career solely for freedom and flexibility over my life.

And then…

And then in a story too long to share here, I was given the opportunity to read “Why Work Sucks and How to Fix It” by Cali Ressler and Jody Thompson. I read it cover to cover in less than 24 hours. I read while I blow dried by hair, I read at my daughter’s dance practice, I read at my desk. And I cried. Tears fell down my face because FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY someone understood. Cali and Jody took all the feelings that had been in my heart for so many years and put words to them. They gave those feelings power and movement and acceptance. And I was validated…it wasn’t wrong to want to be a successful professional and want control over my time and my life.

That want and need isn’t about kids or no kids…hobbies or no hobbies…salary or hourly…it is about taking ownership of your life. It is about coming home to what you’ve always known you wanted. It’s about working hard and producing amazing results and going for a jog at 2:30 on a Thursday. Or about working hard and producing amazing results and being in the parent pick-up line each afternoon at the elementary school. Or about working hard and producing amazing results and …

I’ve lived my life in black and white. I’m going ROWE and now I’m going to live in color. I’ll never go back.

Finally!

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  • Carolyn

    Ms. Miller may have cried when she read about ROWE, but I choked up when I read her blog!
    I don’t know this chic but she captured the feelings of many women out there!

  • http://www.procrastinatingwritersblog.com Jennifer Blanchard

    Thank you for sharing this story. It’s so frustrating to me that employers are so old-fashioned. Especially when it makes no sense and is not what’s best for business.

    People deserve to live their lives and own their time. Period. And I will never be at rest until I can own my time and help others own theirs.

    It’s stories like these that keep me motivated to make my business happen. I’m getting there, and this is just more fuel on the fire.

  • Victoria

    Great article! I am still earning my MBA but I plan for the future often and I am worried about work-life balance and ‘having it all’ as well. Thanks for the inspiration!

  • Persephone K

    This post really spoke to me today. Having to choose between a career I’ve worked hard to build and the freedom to control my life and happiness is something I’ve been smack in the middle of for the past year or so (more if I really admit it). In fact the reason I’ve held out for so long when I believe so many would have walked away is because I feel like I have a right to have it all, but the reality is my organization is not there yet, and frankly won’t be any time soon.

    But just knowing that the ideas I had about living my life without work controlling every aspect of it yet still being a great employee are in the hearts and minds of others has meant a lot to me since discovering WWS and ROWE. It wasn’t until WWS came out that I was able to even conceive of the idea that my notions of a good work ethic (versus the status quo’s version) could be possible.

    Good post!

  • Jason

    Wow… What an inspiring post. I want to take this to my employer now!

  • carolyn

    This attorney may have cried reading about ROWE, but I cried reading her blog! This chick captured my feelings that I didn’t know how to express. I would like to hear more from her!

  • Lily

    The first time I read this post, I thought, “WOW! This is powerful!” The second time I read it – out loud to my husband – the tears started to flow. Keep the stories coming.

  • A.D. Signorelli

    I discovered ROWE recently, and just finished reading WWS. I have been consumed with all the possibilities of living ROWE. I imagine my children not knowing what a traditional office would look like, what an 8 to 5 work schedule would feel like, why mommie ships them off to daycare when they are too small to understand her work schedule, but not too small to feel the pain of separation when mommie leaves.
    Thinking and understanding ROWE is like watching a sci- fi futuristic movie and feeling scared and excited at the same time. Is itreally possible to own my life? Am I dreaming?
    Having It All really touched me and I read it several times. The author captured a feeling that many, many parents must feel. I have hope for the future! Excellent post!